Essence Of Christmas

Do we really have to have a party just to feel the essence of Christmas? Do we really have to give extravagant gifts to someone just to feel the Birth of Jesus? Do we really have to?

I have been thinking about it over and over at the time. Because I have attended too many meetings discussing about Christmas parties and stuffs like what gifts to give and everything. And it didn't pass my taste. For me, at least.

So thats it. I believe that we don't have really to fuss much about how to prepare those parties, especially those gifts. I believe we do not have to think of how much we will get but of how much we will give. No no...Also not true either. I mean, we should not count what we gove but we should not count what we shall receive either. Uhmn..did you get me? I just mean that we don't have to give something rich for the rich and poor gifts for the poor, that is disgusting. Why not vice versa for everything, huh?

And thinking about parties isn't so good, either. Because the time 0ur Baby Jesus was born, did he got a grandious party?Nope. So I think it will not really do.

We party too much, especially on this month, where there are parties called "Christmas Party" but do we really dedicated it to someone worth to dedicate, which is Jesus? No. We only think of the food and the gifts and the grandiousness of it, the sounds and everything. But we barely take a glimpse of the real celebrant. How odius we are!!

Although I didn't say all but I am generalizing it. It is bad. If you are not one of these people, then it is so good to hear but if you are, please change. I am not a saint myself but I am trying to change it and my attitude towards it is improving now that I do not really care whether someone will give me a very poorly gift in exchange for my expensive ones. I don't really care that much anymore, because I am trying to understand, and I am remembering the baby child born in a barn with nothing on himself but himself...

Touching?

Girls Scouts Provincial happenbed this week and I didn't jion in, so naturally, I was stuck in our school and was bored with everyday work and having an exam. I didn't mind that much, for all I care. Only some of my friends went there too and I was left a bit alone and one of my so-called friend went there too and I didn't expect what she will do the moment she came back.

So, by Friday, they were back already. One of my friend Biggie gave me some sort of a key chain souvenier and I didn't thought that she would bring me something, but she remembered. I was utterly grateful by the gesture.

But then, this friend of mine who broke my heart, she is just one anyway. I didn't thought that she remembered me or something or whatever. So, they went back and I still didn't talked to them although everything is fine with me..its just that..it is not time yet. So that is it. She was talking to others and I was just sitting when one of our friend just called me very loudly and said that "she" has something to give me. Of course, I tried to ignore it because I believe that this vulgar friend of ours is just teasing me..trying to make us mend everything. I am good in ignoring remarks now, you know. Or ignore people, also. Maybe I am good at it sionce only I didn't use the knowledge but now I am not using it so it was just as perfect for me and more suitable for me.

Well, that friend isn't joking. She was serious about it, and I am not unpleased, but not pleased too. So, they urged my cold-warred friend to give it to me and after some hesitations and urgings, she went to me and gave me that keychain. Of course, I was ever grateful someone remembered me, but definitely I am not grateful that it came from her.

You get me wrong. Well, maybe I am not phrasing it right, too. I mean, I am grateful that she remembered me, it is just that it is a little awkward. To be honest, it took me time to say thank you and honestly, I also took time to think when she gave it to me wheteher I should accpet it, but I did and I said thank you.

So girls and boys alike(though I know boys have other way for it), I say you should not let pride REALLY overcome you. It is a good thing you have amor de propio but it is not a good thing to have big pride at all. So when someone asks for forgiveness, give it to them. When someone gives you something, never decline because a royalty never declines to what his sucjects gives him. Hehe..Just read it somewhere...

I Am In!!!

I can't believe it!! I am in!!!

Well, I have this college entarnce examination and I have been waiting for almost eternity to know if I have been able to be "in" in this prestigious school, and gosh..! How happy I am to know that I scored high in that said test.

I scored 110, and the others or the common scorers were 60 plus and I am very well glad about the result.

Oh, I am so happy but I would be more happy if I'll be able to know if I got a scholarship. I am having my hopes high because my points is higher than anyone and I just oh so hope so.

Its really good to know that I have some place to go into after high school. Haha.

Thing is, I need to have an acrobat reader or whatever that is to know who got scholarship, so I think I have to install it first.

Ba-bye then.

Don't Wanna

I am so annoyed I got a computer with very hard keyboards, but I think I have to just..let it pass although I swear I could get callusezs with this. It is harder than a typewriter, for Christ's sake! But hey..anyway, I am going to inform you about some updates in my life.

So, first, I have already surpased my exam this day. Ou 6th monthly exam, to be exact. And I felt so relieved and so happy about it, can barely breath. Hahaha.Just joking.

Okay. Second, I am currently amazed about books about princesses and anchantments that I am so engrossed with it and I bought another book about it, the one titled "The Princess" by Jude Deveraux and it is the most likely book that helped me read about princess' life. So, that's it. Enough of my foolishness for a while.

Third. I don't know what inspiration keeps me but I am now in the mood to write about bits of something into my story which is laid up too long, the 'Meet Maxine'. I just put bits and bits together and have to..presto! Arrange it accordingly.

Oh, too much of this keyboard. Hate it. Better coninue some other time,babye.

Top 3

Increase by one step.. Or, shall we say, one step forward?

Second grading has come..and it has a bit..or shall we say, it has lots of changes. Some went down and some went up..I was so grateful that I did improved my grades, and I am so happy about it and also proud in myself because I have proven something again.

Others looked up to me, and I know others were jealous although I can't pinpoint who. But I don't care. As long as I am doing good and not bad things. I won't say I haven't hurt nobody about it, because I have but its not my fault, right? I won my position, fair and square.

I hope everything will be fine for me and that I will be able to improve my grade because I want to prove somehting to myself and to toehrs and so as to my parents and my family and other people. That I can make it. I want my parents to be proud of me.

Not Wanted

All I wanted right now is to forget what we talked about with my teacher. She asked me about why I cried when I have to say something about honesty and I told her.. But not everything. I don't trust anyone completely now. But that is not the blow, anyway.

I just want to forget about all those friendship echuvanes whatever. Hahaha. But, it kept popping into my mind so I decided that I have to put ALL of my feelings here as only my blog I can trust in my whole life and by my whole life.

You know perfectly well that I don't belong anywhere. Oh, I belong in the internet as this is the only place that I blended well, my home, my abode. Because in my family, I can't say there is a home as well. But hey! It doesn't mean that I have to carry this grief and sorrow forever because I do not want my children to suffer like me. I will create my own home and my roots when I grow up. But at least, not today.

I hope this sadness in me will soon be over and I want to forget about it, like what I have done this past few weeks. If I have done it before, why not now, right? Haha..

Just wish me luck to my oncoming exam tomorrow. Hehe. I believe I haven't studied that much, but I hope everything will be fine, especially our english because I flunked at the recitations just this friday and I felt bad about it so I hope my exams would be better now so I'll get a better grade.

Doing What Is Right

It always hurts to be right. I mean, by doing the just and right. It is never easy, wuld you believe that? I hope you will, because if that is so, that means that you are able to understand and you are pacticing it. Others mockingly call you "righteous" whenever you just try to do right things you think is right, but well, we can't please everyone as the sayings say.

I have just learned something a while ago based on what I saw. My classmates(those who were late) and they are supposed to crawl under us wo are not late. These two classmates of mine are kind of..tired ecause they have to crawl many times 'coz they are late for so many times. The moment they saw our teacher turn back,they made a dash for a sortcut, but unluckily, they were caught and.. they made a long round of walking like a duck with their ears pressed together instead. Suc an exhausting replacement job.

Of course, I learned something from this. First, why owuld you come to school late when you can come early to avoid the punishment, right? But, since you are punished, why not accept the said punishment when you REALLY did that awful thing? Why not accept the punishment gacefully? So I believe that all we have to do is abide by the law, so as not to get a triple-punishment.

Honesty

Our topic in values a while ago is about HONESTY. So, our teacher asked us to say to the class the dishonesty we did in the past..or until now. Hahaha. Some were a pity, like spending their allowance for the internet (which I did sometime until now), cheating on the exam and anything. Others were funny, like my gay classmate making our other classmate his textmate and then they sort of, well, they were "ON" without the knwing of the boy that he was a gay! Hahaha..That was a hilarious time we had....

But, the time went for me(which is so so so veeeeryyyy a long wait) and I was then asked. I could think of notyhing for the moment because our teacher said that it would have to be outside of the family. So, I chose the friend matter. I thought I have really moved on on it, but..well, I cried. I haven't even finish what I wanted to say. This is my starting line:
"I lied to myself..and to others. I lied to myself, keeping myself believe that other people doesn't like me but I imposed myself on them..and I lied to them..that.."
Just like that and I went on to cry. Lucky there are others who were good enough to let me lean on them and our teacher was so kind enough not to impose what she wanted to do at the time. I mean, she didn't impose hearing on the tale. But I know she would like to hear about it, sooner or later, but of course, exclusively and only extended to her.

So that's it. But I want to finish what I wanted to say at that time. I wanted to say: "I lied to myself and to other people. I lied to myself, still believing that they like me even if they don't. And I lied to them, letting them believe that I don't know anything about it but I do. And so, I am torturing them by still imposing myself on them." That is what I wanted to say to them, only that I haven't finished it because I cried..and now I realize that it still hurts and I don't wanna talk about it. Well..I also mean those words as sorry..but no..I only made myself sorry.

About Honesty. I just hope that you girls like me must be honest, no matter what are the consequences. You have to face it. Because if you are not honest, there are more lethal choices. I just hope that I have done it earlier. Well, I believe it is not too late for you. And remember, to be honest most of the time, you should be honest to yourself first.

Certfifed Classmates

I thought of like, doing this in tribute for my classmates. I love them, honestly speaking, even if they didn't love me. Well, simply, I just want to remember everyone, even those people who made my life in High School abit..miserable.

Its not that I am that revealing enough. Of course, I am making it but with code names, and gonna remember them because I will classify and identify them by alphabetical order in our class record. Oh, this would be great, and I just hope that I'll finish this before graduation.

Here it is...:

1. Eagle- He is the very first on our class record. And uh-uh, he is also the very first in our top list for humbug person in classroom. No, no, I am not exagerrating, besides, we call him "tumor" because he has his head overgrown, gosh. But it doesn't mean that he has no good at all. Besides, we are close in our fresh man, but that only ends it because as we grow older, he grow every inch of a head, too.
2. Giant- The tallest in our batch and my classmates, too. He is the captainof volleyball playes of the year(uhmn..you know volleyball, anyway?) and he is..he has the face and he is the boyfiend of our Math entusiast and a top student girl too. He is the richest and he seems to be so..well, because he is rich but he is humble, too. I've got a crush on him when we were freshmen but whoa! That is so yesterday because I only have a crush on him when my classmates were tesing me about him. But I know better anyway, and, he and his girl were such a good friend.
3. Joseph- Hehehe. Well, of course, it is not his real name but then, I named him Happy Feet because his feet never stops working. He is also a math enthusiast but he only exceled now that we were in our last years in high school. Sometimes, I fight him about it, but really, I look up to him, too. Happy Feet is a transferee. I mean, he didn't start there at our school since first year and only transfered there when we were third year. Yah. But like everybody else, I'm gonna miss him, too.
4. Gay- He, er..I mean, she is the gay in our batch. Quite a gay. Hahaha. And sometimes he/she is irritating. When we were younge, I always remember that we always fight because he is such an irritating git gay. But now, we have already asserted tose misunderstandings and we are quite fiends although now that we were in fourth year, he always wears make up and walks in a girly fashion and he also wears a dress made for gils sometimes. And he is so funny because he got a crush on almost everyone in our batch. Its nowmal to have cush, but his cushes were not normal. I mean, they are not abnormal, but he is abnormal because his crushes were boys.
5. MilMan-is fathe is in the police, that's why. And he too, is a gay. But not in the quite sense, anyway. As a matter of fact, he is well-respected among the girls and the boys because he is smart, and decent. I mean, he is unlike Gay. Haha. Thats it. And he loves to design dresses and also good in drawing and he also is a joker. A great dancer, too. Truly talented.And he is my friend, too.
6. Dwarfin- We thought that he is the smallest in our batch. But he is cute. But no no no, I have no crush on him. He is just plainly cute and he has smiling face but he is so shy and so demure and so introvert that he is so limited, but not by the boys. Only to the girls. This year, we were some kind of close since we sit together on some classes and he is slowly opening up. Wow, he is talented, he knows a lot of great deal about guitar, and he is smart too. He is so nice and I like him that I let him copy my Mathematics seatwork sometimes. Really, I don't know much about him because he is the kind of person that is easily afraid of authorative figure around him. He is also afraid of me, I believe.
7. Sleepy- Because he always sleeps everytime we have class. He sleeps at English time, which he was really scolded by it, sleeps during Physics even if it is still morning. He aslo sleeps on our Mathematics. Well, that is what I have observed of him. He always sleeps. And he is some kind of quiet guy in our batch, too, and he seems really that afrid of me. Yah. Because whenever he comes first at school and I founf him or someone distorting my chair, he is so quick at arrnging it for me. Well, maybe I am that ferocious to him, but I did not mean to. Haha. But well, thats what I remember of him, Sleepy.
8. 5/6- We call him that because of his looks. Well, whenever someone is teasing him about it, he got angry, except at me. Haha. But he is also my friend and you won't believe it but when he was dumped by a girl, he turned all his attention on Physics! Uhmn..Not that he is so oh-so good at it but at least he tried although sometimes it irritates me when he is bugging me to teach him. Ha-hay. Well, but anyway, he is also a great friend, and he is like..well, he is like that he cares for me, really. But all just ends up with that and nothing else. There!
9. Change- I named him that because he is a very changed man now. When we were younger, I don't even notice him because he is so quiet and he seldom speaks up. Yah..So it is a shock now that he is interacting with the others, I mean, my classmates, and also to me. He just got that like that the time he got a girlfriend in the sophomore. Well, his girl is not that good-looking and his girl isn't that good for him but all in all, I am still happy that he has found his happiness. I just wish him luck. And oh-oh... As far as I can remember, he has also got the brains, only he didn't use it properly and only because he is not that confident and brave enough to try survive a raging temptest. Well, I hope he will change that too later on.
10. Jewel-Uhmn..you know a bit about Jewel. Well, he is my former enemy, my former crush, and now, the present cold shouldered. Because of the fact that I know that he likes me too, and promise, I know I wasn't just dreaming when I said it but he let that impertinent friend of mine to snag him just like that by anouncing to the world that she has a crush on him. Well, whatever they are doing, I do not care anymore. Anyway, I think he is finally happy now because of it and he seemed to be contented, so..I am happy for them both. Just like it.
11. Mole- He courted me when we were freshmen but that is our past, and nothing about it. Well, he is a quiet person who barelky talks but his sister said that he is too noisy whenever he is at home. Well, we won't know. ANyway, he has the brain, on;ly he is too quiet, that is why. But no regrets here, uhmn..he is nice and I like him cause he has no something whatever.
12. Geoff- According to my friend, my former M.U. Uhmn...can't say that well, but anyway, I have no feelings for him anymore, I think because of what he had done to me- playing with my affection for him. But I have no regrets by what I have experienced, at leasat I learned something from him. But I will never ever go back into his arms again, even if he is initiating too. Because I don't want a person who is playing others feelings, so I am so sorry Geoff. But Geoff is nice too only a playboy. He does average in school. But too good in basketball. And he is too uhmn..nearing the obssessive-compulsive disorder, like that. Haha.
13. Greggy- Yes, Greggy. Because he played Greggy for our auditions in dramatic dialouge. He played as my son. Hahaha. He is nice.. funny, the class joker and he has this group which they call the Three Kings. Yes. And I like him a lot.And he has this very handsome big brother I got a crush on. His brother is ssssssoooo cute. Promise, I swear. Not that Greggy is not cure too, but his brother is cuter, thats why. And we really love (my girl classmates and I) it when there is some kind of a meeting that requires a guardian to go there because his brother would be always present and we can get a chance to see him. hehe. Anyway, back to Greggy. Well, he is normal, like anyone else.
14. Junior- Hmn...let me think about him. Well, as long as I can remember, JR is one of those little boys I used to fight with the time we were freshmen.But we are good friends now even though I disagree with his principles.He is not a model studnt, he doesn't study he cheats, he is always late, he disobeys teachers, he doesn't wear proper uniform and etc. Well, that is how I remember him but he is a odd friend too although he always asks money from me. Hu hu hu. But hey- he is already a year or so steady with his girlfriend who is also my classmate in some subjects.
15. Morty-I think he is the one who will attract you the most in the class. At least,on first impressions. Just like that. But not with later on. Its as if, Morty is the crushable guy, get what I mean? But anyway, he is like a brother to me and even if we oftentimes fight, I still love him as a brother, and even if I had a crush on him in the past. But really, I really love him as a brother and would defend him if I have to. But I dont wanna show it to him of course. Why would I?
16. Smoking Joe- Thats what their coach calls him. Smoking Joe belongs in the volleyball team and he is literally a smoking Joe. Yah, he smokes, that much. And he is said to be devirginized by a gay and only paid him 50 bucks! Imagine that! My, my. He often calls me Dragon and he is a one mean bully but now he doesn't bully me anymore. Maybe he realized that I am of more use than him, ha! Well anyway, I started acting nice to him too and maybe thats why.
17. Brooh- Uhumn. The one I consider the most in my classmates as a brother. But a younger brother. Yes, he is older than me but I am more mature, so... Thats it. That settles the subject. He is my little brother for me. Its because he is sweet, likeable and handsome. Oh..yeah. Handsome. I have a crush on him before. His big brother was even voted as "The Man" in the campus. And he is the crushable hottie in the camous too. But I do not like him now as a crush, but just a small brother need to be guided. So there.
18. Peeves- We, my friends and I calls him Peeves not because he looks like a poltergeist but just because...its the only name that we can think of that fits him. He is so weird. I mean, he acts and thinks differently form the normals. He has this very odd questions and very odd beliefs. Sometimes, he irritates me. But, I cannot do anything about it, but accept him as him. It is his identity right? Still, I hate to think that there were times that I have to hate his guts. Uh...
19. Best?- AAAAAARRRRGHHHH!! He calls me best, saying we are best friends. We are not! Gosh! And he is really a pain in the neck. He is so irritating, so tiresome that there were times I have to be rude than usual. He talks so very echus and cheesy which I cannot stand. He is so irksome. That is why. But anyway, I planned to reconcile with him this Recollection Day. Whatever. Its just that, whenever I tried to be nice, He is abusing it. Bow-how.
20. Healer- Hmn...Another clown in the class. But there is something in Healer that I don't like a bit. Its because he has a very low self-confidence which he was doing purposely and I don't like it. I mean, he is self-pitying and that is not natural- that is a sickness that will soon turn into a very chronic disease! Gosh. Won't he change it? But anyway, we cannot change peoiple and we have to accept them for what they were, soo....What can I do? And anyway, he has also served his purpose. He was the one who tried to reconcile me with my friends. Oh, but to no avail of course when he tried it along with the other boys because as what they have said, I am a cold-hearted woman who was ready to risk everything just to save my prideful ass. Hahaha! A bad choice of word, but I think it is true!
21. PT- PT, yes, because he wants to be a physical therapist someday, and a good one he will be. I always come to him for a massage especially if I am stressed out. He is so fine. We were really not close though and sometimes I do not like him, the way he acts because he talks to loud. Duh.. But anyway, we are firends.
22. Setter- One of my most well-liked nboy in our batch. No, not as a crush but someone I really respect. His not that much of a math whiz but he will do. And he is God-fearing, a gentleman, and everything a girl could wish for. But of course, I do not like him as a crush. Hello? And we are friends. He said he is my classmate when we were kinder which is true. Hahaha, and now we were classmates again. Whooo! He is a very good volleyball player too.

THE GIRLS

Where To?

I am feeling a little(Or more) dramatics these past few days. Maybe..(AGAIN!!) it is because of that..cold war I am having with my former friends. Well, they still doesn't talk to me..But, as if I care now. No, I don't anyway. And I am not angry with them anymore(How many times did I told you that, anyway?) but its just...I still don't want to talk to them. But if necessary, then okay.

But they themselves doesn't feel like it, talking to me. And it gave me much comfort, unlike the past few days that I feel like I am gonna cry for what happened. SO that means that I am moving on.

It didn't gave me full guarantee though. Now, I didn't know where I should surely go and stuff. I am a bit confused with my life now. But, it gave me the idea not to think of long-time friendship and relationship anymore. Because now, I do believe that nothing lasts long. Or else, just nobody likes me.Hehe..But no sad feelings about that.

So, there. Think I gotta go. I am wondering why internet connections this past few days are wearing off. Gosh..Okay, ba-bye!!