That's quite selfish. But I do not know the other way. Its my own way of defense against life's harrassment towards me. I mean, on what life does to me- by leaving me alone with no friends to have to lean on.
Harsh, yes. But now, my only way to save myself from hurt and pride is through thinking of myself only. Narcissm, that is what they call. But, well, thats the only thing I can hold on to.
It hurts, really. But only a little now, when seeing my friends, I mean..former friends..being happy even without me. They don't seem to mind it. Well, as if I really mind it a lot now. I don't and hey- I am not also angry with them. But now I came to think that life with them will not be likely, no matter what. So now, I was only thinking of myself, my family, my future, my likes and my wants and needs. Kudo, so that is no harm for anyone, I believe?
Well, I am not infatuating about my crushes, either. I have learned that no one's gonna like me if I don't get something..I mean, achieve something so all I have to do for now is to study hard, no boys please and then..TADAA! I'll have anyone I like as long as I am what I want to be. I mean, like I'm gonna be a successful lawyer or a ver famous writer..Well, there's going to be on like there, so I'll just wait for that time right?
So there! I promised myself that I have nothing to worry of about having friends because I can be a loner or whatever..so promise I won't get hurt anymore, especially if attachments through people.
New motto: Why please them when they don't even please you?
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